I just love this Bible verse: “Ye shall seek Me and find Me when ye shall search for Me with all thy heart”. (Jer. 29:13) To me this verse translates into two things: one, in order to discover God, we need to start the journey with the belief that He exists and that he can be found. And two, in order to find him, we have to search.
There are more than one way to unravel his answers and workings in our lives and that of the world. Yet every effort I have spent on a spiritual inquiry journey has eventually brought me to a satisfactory discovery. Sometimes the answer was an outright revelation, howbeit small, other times it came as a quiet assurance, a peace in my heart that was even more than understanding. And that’s what keeps me belonging to those called by his name-I know who will answer when I struggle, the way is foggy and all that remains is faith. He always comes through.
-He fills my heart with Love
I’ve seen people act in love and unselfishness without believing in God. I’ve seen people do great things in honor of love without being motivated to do it in the name of Jesus. Love is always beautiful to behold and to experience. It warms up your heart and soul and you feel there is a reason to go on.
But there are times in our lives when we feel as if love in its richness and fullness has left us. Recently I experienced this emptiness anew. I felt I should have been loved; I deserved to be loved in a way I hoped and wished. I was loving to others, I did the best I knew how, and so the logical conclusion was that this should earn me reciprocated feelings from those I loved and cared about. Instead something quite opposite was happening which left me confused, hurt, disappointed and empty. It just felt like, why bother to give it your all when it makes no difference.
In moments like these I give my heart to Him again and my soul gets replenished in a deeply satisfying way by His spirit. I can’t explain how this works, I can’t help anyone see this, but it just is. And that’s why I love God.
There are other important reasons why I continue to believe in him, but the amazing power of his existence that I feel deep inside of me when I stay in his presence, that sometimes cannot be seen in the circumstances around me, is one of the most incredible things about my God.
Sometimes I question why his hand isn’t moved on behalf of downtrodden, why awful things happen to the best of men, why miracles happen so rarely when we need and pray for them, why life seems to be a pain and struggle at times when we are doing our best to “play by the rules”. You would say that people who doubt the existence of God of love based on these things that just make no sense to our minds, do have a case for their unbelief. I’ve pondered this many times. I felt this was something I had to understand in order to protect and defend my faith. Here is the bottom line: although I have some understanding of the reasons “why” which is sufficient for me to keep on believing, there are still times when I can’t explain away every situation and circumstance.
Strangely enough, once I accepted that I was OK with not understanding it all every time, my faith kept on existing and supporting me. I came to realize that in spite of elusive and mysterious future, the presence of his spirit that I feel inside of me when I reach out to Him will continue to overpower that uncertainty as long as I search for Him. Faith will always be stronger than doubt. Light will always overpower the darkness. The things that are not seen, yet are present within us, can be more real and alive than what surrounds us on a day to day basis. What he gives me, although many times hidden, is more prevailing than the disappointments, pain and injustice that temporarily subsist either in the world or in my own life.
And that to me, although it may make no sense to the one who doesn’t believe, is the biggest proof of his existence, his presence and his love. And so I cannot but believe in him. After all, I have searched him and found him many a time.